Notifications will be the death of you.

Notifications are an ugly bunch. 

Do you get notified about the thousands of seconds that you wasted on Instagram? Do you get notified about how you’re looking at reality through a million pixels and filters? 

NO.

You get notified about the pretty filter uploaded on Instagram. Upon further investigation (By that I mean clicking on the notification and check out the picture.) you realize it’s actually a photo of a genuinely pretty girl, with an ungodly ugly filter. Or just an ugly gal with an ugly filter. 

You get notified about the likes you got on your recent picture. It’s all fun and games with dopamine until you ascertain the number of people who just scrolled by, or misclicked the photo.
But don’t you worry, Instagram won’t notify you of that. It cares about you, immensely (and the data you give it so willingly).

You get notified about a recent follower. You presumably have no answer as to why would you want someone following you, but Instagram says its a good thing, so it probably is.

Here’s a thought experiment, 

What if someone were to emulate your failures? Would you be worried? Would you be terrified to actually see the reality of yourself through your own eyes? Would you be amused?

You get notified about the picture Kathy just posted of her dog. What the dog has to do with the inspirational caption below is an enigma. But was it worth the 2 minutes? Let‘s agree, even the 2 minutes is a lie. The notification likely let you down a rabbit hole and you‘ve been scrolling for 2 hours ever since the notification came through. 

Scrolling the feed of #dogs for 2 hours is justified. But encouraging it through enabled notifications is not.  

 

You get notified about the weather through the stories of a long-lost, utterly tasteless friend of yours.

You get notified about the Gucci undergarment your favorite celebrity just bought.

You get notified about the recent vacation your friend is on.

You get notified about the recent fued of Taimur khan with Kareena because she made him eat his veggies.

You get notified about the date your catfished friend is on.

You get notified about the overpriced, scammy coffee your friend is drinking.

You get notified about the 1 in a 100 photo Sharon posted of her posing in the trashy washroom.

You get notified about what’s going on in the world.

But you also get notified about the memes mocking the very incident.

You get notified about a motivational post your friend posted.

Yeah, the one who cannot for the life of them, wake up before 12 pm.

You get notified about how your friend is struggling with bad mental health.

You don’t get notified about how no one reached out to him.

But you do get notified about how depression is a major cause of suicide in the current society.

You get notified about the outing your friends had, the one when they forgot to invite you.

Notifications are an ugly bunch. They lure you in. They demand you to pick up your device. They’re designed to capture your attention. The peculiar pings and sounds are engineered to grab your attention. They are crafted in a way, so as to keep you trapped.

Why on earth would let an inanimate object dictate your actions? 

Social media as a whole isn’t all that bad. Hypocrisy is scattered throughout this article, but it’s not far from the truth. We’re all victims of this inevitable epidemic. All we can do is reduce the collateral it causes.

Disabling the notifications won’t harm you. You shouldn’t need to know about something unless you desire it.

Be the commander of your thoughts and actions and don’t fucking complain about boring your life is.

Instagram is a rosy cheerful place where the viewers are miserable and  posters are happy.
Ever so often, they switch places.
Only if the posters were sad and the viewers were happy. The world would’ve been a much better place to live in.

 

DISABLE THE GODDAMN NOTIFICATIONS, YOU DON’T NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THE 100th BREAKUP OF BELLA HADID OR YOUR DUMB LOVESICK FRIEND.

 

also, make sure you follow me on instagram. Dm me a ❤ and be sure to turn on my post notifications. Turn the others off.
Thank you. Love you. Bye.

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👏🏽MEME 👏🏽 REVIEW👏🏽

DISCLAIMER: This isn’t gonna be your usual grim post containing deep profound stories and poems which i agree, are not entertaining or fun to read. (Sometimes they are kinda fun though)

What’s a meme you ask? 

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But i’m not gonna review a humorous meme image or something like that, i’m gonna let Pewdiepie handle that. (Go check him out on youtube for some spicy memes.)

Today I’ve dug the dumpsters of the Capitalist nation of INSTAGRAM to associate you with some TRENDING GARBAGE! This living meme is the probably the best thing that happened to the internet.

Let me rephrase, I want to introduce you to an intellectual with an IQ far superior to the likes of the legendary JAKE PAUL/SALLU BHAI. God is surely almighty to have us live in an era with such glorified memes.

Here, let me introduce her to you.

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This specimen calls herself ‘Lil Tay’. I always imagine if Taylor swift was ghetto and an absolute brat she’d probably call herself that.

*Apparently i gotta buy a premium plan to upload videos on this blog :/ I highly suggest you go check her out before reading further.*

Please make sure you come back, i got some really good stuff to say about her 😉

Here’s the link to her instagram account: Liltay

Go on, i’m gonna wait here patiently.

Oh you’re back? Isn’t she great? She looks really cute when she says ‘bitch’.

Miss Tay here is far superior to your inferior genes because she spends ‘Racks’ of cash on toiletries and luxury items. She might not know the number of zero’s in a million but she ain’t afraid to spend that much just to make you feel bad about your life.

She probably spends cash equivalent to your months rent, for dinner. Of course she ain’t stupid enough to have exotic meats.

Happy meals are the real deal bitch! (That’s what lil tay probably says.)

If i was lil tay, i’d have kiddies instagram account where i’d flex the toys i got. The barbie doll houses and the toys i got in a million happy meals too! Gotta make the Kids feel bad about their lives too, right? Why just the adults?

Oh you don’t feel bad about your life yet? Lil tay has something to say to you.

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Fuck those guys who have dreams to own a sports/exotic car far into their miserable lives. Lil Tay is the real deal!

Look at the cash she has laying around.

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If her inspirational story doesn’t move you to tears, you’re inhuman. A ‘lil bitch’ is what lil tay would call you. Trust me, you don’t want that to happen.

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She was broke at 6. (She really said that, here’s the link to the video if you wanna see it: flex …Make sure you come back!) All you stupid teenagers crying about student loans need to shut yo’ lil stupid ass up! She worked hard, The grind didn’t stop for 3 years! Now look where she’s at!

All you did at 6 was fall in love with the guy/girl who had the best handwriting in kindergarten! All you did, was cry on early monday mornings convincing your mother that you had a really bad stomach ache. Lil Tay was out there working hard! Probably selling lemonades and used toys on the street to buy that ‘Rolli’ (It’s what ghetto people call the Rolls Royce or maybe a Rolex.)

All i want to say that Lil Tay is the kind of masterpiece that hardly appears in a century and deserves the recognition she’s getting.

Lil Tay rich and finna get richer! Bitch!

Here’s the meaning of ‘finna’ for the unaware, unghetto people:

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You wanna be like Lil Tay? Wanna be verified for bullshit? Wanna be famous with absolutely negligble talent? You’ve come to the right place: (Here are the steps.)

  1. Get a gimmick. (E.g. The absolute dumb ass gimmick Lil pump has. Tattoo the number 69 on your body 69 times like 6ixnine)

  2. Have a ‘Lil’ or ‘Big’ before your name. (I suggest you choose ‘lil’ if you have dumb ass gimmick, or if you’re just plain dumb.)

  3. Have an instagram account.

  4. Max out your credit card and withdraw a 1000 dollars in bundles of 1 dollars.

  5. Borrow your friends expensive car. OR. Trespass the house of a millionaire.

  6. Make sure you have a playlist of the stupidest hip-hop songs of the generation.(The type where the artist doesn’t know what the fuck he/she is saying. E.g Lil pump.)

  7. Learn to integrate ghetto words like ‘Bitch’ , ‘Ass’ , ‘Finna’ , ‘Fam’, ‘Nut’ , ‘Gang’ in every sentence you say.

  8. E.G:- Man i finna kill myself if i gotta do these bitch ass assignments ever again fam! I’mma pop some bullets in that bitch ass professor dawg! My gang is lit nigga! (I feel ashamed at the fact that i know how to use these words :/ )

  9.  Start posting videos with you throwing money on some stupid chick while some dumb rap song plays in the background at an unimaginable volume blanketing your pre-pubescent weak voice.

  10. Talk about how rich you are and how many chicks/men you’ve fucked. (Don’t mention the amount of STD’s you’ve got though, that isn’t gonna help.)

  11. Repeat.

Voila!

Real Talk:

If you made it till here, I’m surprised and equally impressed that you didn’t find the satire repulsive.

I know it’s really inconsiderate of me to shit on a little girl for fun. I find this lil tay situation hilarious and saddening at the same time.

We all know that it’s probably her parents at blame for this atrocity. There’s probably a sensible adult or maybe her mother behind that shaky camera work telling poor tay what to say.

It’s probably her parents who rent out exotic cars just to brainwash their child and hundreds of other children watching her on instagram. News reports say that her mother is a real estate agent, which explains how they got their hands on some of the most fancy houses in LA.

The main question i wish i could ask her parents is,

Why? Why put your child through this stupidity? Why grow a child devoid of moral values and an absolute disregard for others?

I think i can answer them myself:

  • Money. They’re trying to hit the Social Media Influencer lotto. Numbers is all that matters in the market right now. The amount of eyeballs this lil tay gimmick gets is astounding. Many companies can hit her up for sponsorship and voila! Money flowing in, more of it to flex.
  • Personal Gain. Lil Tay’s influence is so large that she’s a living brand. This is a good promotional opportunity for her family business now, isn’t it?
  • Dopamine. All of us can agree that the feeling we get when we gain followers is amazing. Maybe her parents are dopamine addicts. (It’s an exaggeration.)

Now you may ask, Why in the hell is she famous?

It’s because of us. The meme community. We can all agree that we actually don’t feel bad about our lives when we watch her, we’re just entertained.

Of course we’d love have money to spare. Money to buy the stuff we desire. Own exotic cars. Date hot men/women.

But that’s the crux of this story. There is something essential that we learn from this bullshit.

It isn’t money that we should strive for. We need to look for something that gives us the drive. We need to chase our purpose. Money will find it’s way.

Life wouldn’t be fun if you had to cash to buy anything you desire.

You’re wrong if you think you can buy your way to prosperity.

Strive to be wealthy, not rich.

I hope someone talks some sense into her parents. I hope our beloved Lil Tay gets some help.

P.S- Go check out lil tay on instagram!

BONUS MEME-

Check out these amazing people on instagram:

  • supremepatty
  • lilpump
  • sixtynine
  • woahvicky (This girl is amazing! She thinks that she’s african-american even though her skin couldn’t be whiter. I insist you check her out on instagram.)

If you made it till here, I can’t thank you enough! 🙂 I have a secret for you:

Make an instagram account with the handle lildick, lilpenis, lilgucci, lilpoop. If any rapper with that name becomes famous, he’ll have to buy the account from you for a shitload of money. 😉