Zero (A poem)

Preface:- The poem is based on an abstract topic.

What is the point of it all?
When a zero means nothing at all.


An absence, A lack of presence, A void.

Zero’s meaning in itself is devoid.

 

But why did it hurt when it appeared as my marks?
Why did it become an indicator, A blip to show how i’m not ‘that’ smart.

I was mocked, scolded and taught to pull through.
Avoid zero like a plague, was the only truth. 

To me the zero is dreadful.
Reminder to a 

Painful, Regretful, Resentful past. 

Years spent on avoiding the plague.
I wonder where my self esteem would be,

If they ever taught me how to learn from mistakes.  

 

No matter how much i despise it.
No matter how dumb i am,
Zero meant trauma, it assured me that ‘i can’t’
But
It meant everything to my suffering aunt.

 

An ailment scorched her perfect life.
Cancer, her hereditary plight.

The plunge into darkness,
Was painful to witness.
She cried, cursed, prayed and believed.

She tried giving up but failed.
She withstood and prevailed.

Zero cancer cells were all that remained. 

 

What is the point of it all?
Does the zero really mean nothing at all?

 

It cursed the life of a dear friend.
He chased the number of zeros at his salary’s end.
Zero days for himself, He was paranoid.
Now only his voice echoes,
In his penthouse that resembles a void.


It brought joy to my struggling dad.
Zero debt, No interest, No cost EMI’s
He tried his best, to quieten my cries.
He afforded the luxuries all my friends had.
The only thing he couldn’t afford.
Was to see me sad.

To me the zero was dreadful.
A reminder to my scar-ridden heart.
A number that keeps things apart.
Like negatives and positives on a number line chart.

 

What is the point of it all?
I am really confused. I’m not that smart.

Maybe 

There is a point to it all.
Zero means something.
Maybe its unique to one and all.

Relatable (A poem dedicated by that ‘relatable’ friend)

You can trust me, I’m hella relatable.
I’m super relatable.
Every opinion of yours is debatable,
While mine are invincible.
Your self esteem is super accessible.
Looking down on you, I’m really relatable.
I’m super relatable.

I might be better than you,
But I’m really relatable.
You’re an anomaly, you’re really defeatable.
While I’m the adaptable.
I’m the superior but I’m relatable.
I’m super relatable.

Your insecurities are hella contractible.
You’re uttterly incompatible.
For this society, I am the natural.
The alpha, the better, the demandable.
I am infallible. I am the implacable.
But I’m hella relatable.
In every situation, I can relate to you.
I’m super relatable.

Your weaknesses are very relatable.
Your inferiority is laughable.
Your state is pitiful, but I relate to you.
So don’t get better and know that I relate to you.
So don’t try and change because I relate to you.
I’m the companion, I really relate to you.

I pretend to be your friend, I stay relatable.
When you feel miserable, I’ll be the one saying ‘I feel you dude’
Because I’m super relatable. I’m making you comfortable.
I’m making you weak, I’m really relatable.
I’m better off, but I’ll lie to you.
I’ll be better, but still be relatable.

You might be admirable.
Your skills so niche, so affable.
So super compatible. So fashionable.
Matchable, valuable, but in a way relatable.
I’ll keep you down make you feel relatable.
The moment you feel miserable,
I’ll be around.
I’ll be relatable. I’ll push you down and make myself projectable.
I’m super relatable.

 

So stay where you are, stay absolutely miserable.
For you I’ll stay miserable. For me it’s practical.
I’ll push you down and stay relatable.
While I’m flying high, I’ll stay relatable.
Keep complaining, You’re highly collapsible.
I’ll stay relatable. I’ll succeed but stay super relatable.
I’m super relatable.

 

 

 

 

The crazy town of salem.


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Let me tell you about the town of salem,
The town where it all went down.
The town of coincidences,
The town of crude references,
The town of betrayal,
The town who’s Sheriff was Mr. Brown.

Mr. Brown wasn’t wise enough, nor was he of brawn.
He shot an innocent lady, he was glad he did it when no one was around.
He hid the body, to save his face, but couldn’t gauge,
the deputy staring from far away.
Mr. brown was blackmailed, Mr. Brown was in terrible dismay.

Mrs. Brown was a unique creature.
A hit man hidden within her feminine features.
She knew of what to do.
With a swift plan and a clean kill,
the deputy was no more.
But there was Mr. brown’s will.

Martha cared of the sins of her parents.
She was agitated when she found out.
She made a coup, with bold new move.
She wanted to rattle her parents out.

Paula was the goal, the reason for this elaborate plan.
She was the secret lover, of a man called Mr. Brown.
She was the one who was gunned down,
Mr. Brown faked her death, shot her, to incite the town.
Once they overthrow Mr. Brown,
Once Mrs. Brown knows that her husband is wrong,
Once Martha loses hope and moves on.
Paula and him could be together, alone.

But what comes next, was for the best.
An act of god, a conclusion to this quest.
Mrs. Brown was clever, a tad too sly.
She rattled out Mr. Brown,
She betrayed him in broad daylight,
All to become the new sheriff, the quest of power was her elaborate plan.

Mr. Brown got his wish fulfilled.
He was ousted, at the town’s will.
With Paula, he left the town with a thrill.

Without a trace of discontent, Martha cheered.
Martha was an agent of justice, a wise overseer.

As for Mrs. Brown, she was on cloud 9.
Being a sheriff as well as the hit man.
She was unstoppable.

So now you see,
what fun would it be, to be in the town of salem.
An epic drama, filled with emotions and karma.
This story sounds like fantasy.
But look around, your own old town, there’s a lot to see.
Humans are crazy creatures, crazy for reason maybe?

Out of order.

 

When the sky gets cloudy,
When the stars misalign,
When gloom takes over,
That sight always makes me feel alright.

The bright golden silhouette beaming out the scratched glass.
Calling out to me, pulling me into that ecstatic trance.
As I move closer, as I get another hearty look.
Those curves never fail to impress me; they never fail to make me feel shook.

With every step I take,
My heart beats with a different rate.
My eyes water, I float, losing all the dreaded weight.
Nothing could make my day better, if nothing was her beautiful name.

As I approach the vivid glass,
I’m pushed out of that ecstatic trance.
The out of order sign beams at the top, taking away my only chance.
The chance to reconcile.
The chance to meet her one more time.
The chance to see her smile.
The chance to devour her with my eyes.
The chance to make my day alright.

Dread takes a toll.
Misfortune comes upon us all.
It’s fills me with fury.
It lights up all that pent up angst.
But alas, that glass holds us apart.
As I stare at that golden packet,
It breaks my delicate heart.

As I stare I can’t help but feel.
The aggression filling into me.
With a fist of fury, I bang the smudged glass.
“But that won’t fix us.” Said my feeble heart.
As soon as I fall to my knees,
I hear a crackle, a rustle of that plastic tarp.
I look up, I’ve just witnessed the act of god.

The bag slides down in all its glory.
Falling into the tray below, from the second storey.
It fills me with joy.
I feel like I’m on cloud 9.
My heart was fixed instantly, i can’t deny.
Being out of order, the machine still respected the relationship between the bag of chips and I.

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Dear friend

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Dear friend,
We’ve had our scuffles,
We’ve had our fights.
You stuck around every time.
You’re the person, I’m glad to call a friend of mine.

You never needed anything in return for making me smile.
You’re the purest person that comes to mind.
Yeah, you might need the money I borrowed from you but that’s alright.
We’re friends after all, you’ll forget about that after a petty fight.

I turn to you when I seek advice.
I turn to you when I want to speak my mind.
It’s almost as if you don’t listen to a word of mine.
Until you reply with a remark, about how I’m wrong and you are right.
Right as always. 

You’re a great money lender, its not the only reason you’re a friend of mine.
I’ll surely return the money I owe you, I might not do it in time.
Let’s not let materialistic things control this relationship between you and I.

Not bound by commitment, I feel strangely connected.
It breaks my heart, to find you dejected.
I feel responsible; I know I’m supposed to make things alright.
But talking about feelings always feels eerie.
Instead of asking, I’ll guess what makes you feel dreary.
Then through an intuitive maneuver I’ll try to get in your mind.
I’ll never be invasive, but I’ll surely make you feel alright.

You’re the reason I feel ugly.
You’re the reason I constantly try to dress nice.
Yet, every time I look a little bright.
“You look like a clown” is what you say, feeling a little jealous inside.

You’re special.
You’re irreplaceable. At times, you’re extremely nice.
To make me human, you’re presence would suffice.
You’re unique; you’re one of a kind.
You’re the most amazing person; I’ve met in my entire life.
I may never convey my feelings but I hope you realize.
I wouldn’t be me, without you by my side.

So why worry about petty little things?
We can’t let a debt intervene our joyful life.
I might never return the money I owe you.
But we’re good friends now.
Isn’t that nice?

 

 

Hold on.

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What are you afraid of?
Why did you stop trying?
Why do you abandon your dreams?
Why did you stop flying?

Is it because of the people shooting you down?
Is it because of the fear of losing the crown?
Is it because you think you’ll make a mistake?
Is it because you can’t bear that ache?

Oh pretty bird, you’ll surely fall down.
One day, you’ll come crashing to the ground.
And when you do come crashing down, When you can’t help but frown.
When you feel like your wings are clipped.
When you feel like you’ve lost your instinct.
Hold on.

You’ll lay on that ground, in the scorching heat.
You’ll curse up a storm, you’ll feel beat.
You’ll blame yourself, you’ll believe that you’re dead meat.
For not softening the collision, you’ll blame your feet.
Hold on.

When you feel like the dread has passed.
When you know that the pain is in the distant past.
Fear will creep up and make the feeling of vain last.
You can get back up and be free of it at last.
Or lay there helpless, as the sky turns dark.

You’ll fall, you’ll stumble.
You’ll take flight and then tumble.
You thought you were invincible in the endless skies.
Know that the scars are there for a reason, I hope you feel humble.

You dream of soaring, but never consider the pain.
Think of flying, block out the fear and the vain.
When you get back up there, I hope you’re safe.
I hope you learnt from that mistake you made.
Fear chained you to the ground.
You abandoned the dreams, you let them fade.

Now that you’re up there, I hope you know.
When you come crashing down again, don’t make it such a shit show!

 

Afterthoughts- This song was loosely inspired by a song. I highly suggest you give it a listen!

Leave your feedback and criticism in the comments below 🙂

We’ll be the heir.

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Oh mighty child, what have you done?
In this ruthless world, what have you become?
You were meant to be strong; you were god’s chosen one.
We feel responsible; we’re the cause behind this dreaded outcome.

Oh how blessed we were to see you cry for the first time.
The feeling when we held you for the first time, was sublime.
We sheltered you from the slightest of threats.
You were that tiny drop of love; all that’s left now is regrets.

We couldn’t pick you up every time you fell.
We couldn’t help you, even when you thought you were going through hell.
You had so much to learn, you had so much to yearn.
You were never scared, you never faltered.
But whenever you called out for us; we should’ve answered.
Maybe strength is exhaustive; Maybe it fades with every new scar.
We’re sorry we didn’t help you; we thought it was better to care from afar.

Oh how we wish you never grew up.
Oh how we wish you never stopped crying.
We can’t imagine the pain you went through,
The pain that made you consider dying.

We’re guilty; it’s us who can’t stop crying.
Oh how we wish we go back in time to just hold you,
Oh how we wish we could embrace your weakness instead of denying.

We’re sorry for not being there.
We’re sorry for not sharing your despair.
We’re the killers; we’re the ones god wouldn’t spare.
You were strong, strong enough to hold in more than you could bear.

You’re still the light in this lonely life.
You’re the palm that wipes off these tears.
You’re still our only love.
We’re indebted to have a child like you.

This strength you leave behind won’t be left in despair.
You’ve inherited it to us.
We’ll be its rightful heir. 

Not yet.

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You ask me to smile.
You ask me to brush it off.
You tell me it’s just a state of mind.
You ask me to grow up.

You advise me to go out more.
You advise me to talk to people.
You ask me to move on.
You ask me to leave it all behind.

You tell me it’s gonna be alright.
You tell me it’s all in my head.
You tell me that I need to express myself more.
You tell me to look at the brighter side instead.

What do you know about how I feel?
What do you know about tremendous feelings I’ve felt?
What do you know about the struggles I go through?
What do you know about my state of mind?

Waking up is a chore.
The lack of drive is suffocating.
You think I might overact but this is how I suffer.
This is how I live, this is my endeavor.

The voices in my head never stop screaming.
Criticism is internal.
Even I hate myself for how I’m feeling.
This constant state is a struggle.

Memories are what I reside in.
Rewind them back to see what I’ve left behind.
Think about how I could make things right.
Believing that my decisions will not make my future bright.

Anxiety becomes a close friend in this state of mind.
When you ask me to show that smile, the more I want it to hide.
It’s not easy living this kind of life,
Especially with you telling me how to do this right.

Happiness seems fleeting.
I struggle to keep myself from  putting a bullet through my head.
I appreciate your concern, but this isn’t the help I need.
Everyone knows how it feels to be depressed. Each of us has felt sad indeed.

You see it’s not sadness that consumes me.
It’s this lack of control.
You don’t know how it feels to own a mind like mine.
You don’t know about the thoughts and screams that go like bullets through my head.

You can’t stop choosing to sleep through your alarms.
You can’t stop from worrying if the other person cares or not.
You can’t stop spending hours alone contemplating the reason you exist.
You can’t stop feeling the way you feel. This fucked up head, this brain feels like a cyst.

Depression isn’t the sadness that follows rejection.
Depression isn’t the feeling you get when you’re denied a new phone.
Depression isn’t the feeling you get when you’re brokenhearted.
Depression isn’t occasional.

I love being around people.
I love having a heartfelt talk.
Stop trying to focus on how sad I feel.
Stop trying to judge if I’m depressed or not.

I always wish I were dead.
It isn’t intentional. Its my mind overriding the feeling of dread.
You ask me stop thinking that way and smile instead.
It’s not that easy. My mind is misled.

I don’t need your sympathy.
I just need you to smile. I need you to feel happier instead.
It makes me feel better.
Being around happy people doesn’t fuck with my head.

This for all the people who feel helpless like me.
Stuck in the void, struggling to break free.
You’re not alone.
You’re the reason, there is a ‘we’

Don’t address how we feel.
We appreciate the concern,
We’re also loving and fun.
We’re normal, there’s a war in our heads we haven’t won.

Not yet.

Nothing could make this better.

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You two meet at a cafe.
She smiles as she serves you coffee.
You’re too stunned to smile back.
She strikes up a conversation, You hesitate.
In a moment, you’re talking about each of your elaborate tastes.
You ask her out, can’t afford to let the moment escape.
“Drop me home, will ya?” she says.
As you walk beside her on that lonely damp street.
As she talks about her, you and everything in between.
Nothing could make this better.
 

You wake up in her arms.
“Can’t believe it’s been 2 months” she whispers with a familiar charm.
You talk about ambition, you talk about your dreams.
She talks about the future, “There is no future without you, it seems”
Every song reminds you of her,
Every thought seems to have a root related to her.
You brush it off, thinking it’s just lust.
But the way you fantasize about her eyes,
Assure you that it’s love.
You confess it to her, she doesn’t seem surprised.
From long kisses, to making love.
From awkward hugs, to laughing it up.
Nothing could make this better.

 

You meet every day, talk about the usual stuff.
She talks about a guy in work who sends her funny stuff.
You wish to bury your fist down his throat.
You look at her, She’s the one keeping you afloat.
You spend nights drinking wine, conversations seems empty at times.
As silence seeps in, you try and console your mind.
This is normal, These things happen sometimes.
“We have a future together” she says as she looks into your eyes.
You’re in love.
Nothing could make this better.

 

Pretty often, you guys fight.
Sometimes its neutral, sometimes it’s hard seeing the light.
She talks about her friend more often than usual. She thinks about him all the time.
You go for runs, try to clear your mind.
You see a lady, She kinda looks nice.
She catches you looking at her, She gives a smile.
You brush it off; you already have a future wife.
You try hard, you make amends.
You apologize, You never condemn.
You give her space, You give her time.
“Is she still mine?” Somehow this thought seeps into your mind.
The world seems to crumble, right before your eyes.
Through the cloudy days, you struggle to see the light.
Could anything make this better?
Nothing comes to mind.

 

“It’s over” she says with a cold hearted smile.
“Its me, not you” I try to mock her for the last time.
The strings were loose, it was time to let go.
The thoughts of her, would make you feel low.
You drink.
You cry.
You sigh.
You’d do anything to make things alright.
You mess around.
Lose yourself this time.
You look for help,
Only to find it inside.
If nothing could make this better,
You’ll try being nothing for a while.

 
You go for runs, not hoping you’d see that lady another time.
But she’s there, Slender with a beautiful style.
She remembers you, that awkward guy from last time.
She approaches you, “Need help running?” she asks with a smile.
You finish tying your laces, “Yeah, I need directions. Or a destination would be fine?”
“Drop me home, will ya?” she says mocking your gasping voice.
You talk about ambition, you talk about your lives.
You talk about random stuff, about how every individual can’t resist the flow of time.
She’s geeky.
She’s smart.
“Not my type” you try to convince your heart.
You look at her, you can’t help but smile.
You seem amazed.
A tad bit surprised.
It’s been a while since you caught yourself thinking.

Thinking that,

“Nothing could make this better.”

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Inspired by- exurb1a (Go check out his youtube channel! it’s lovely! :))

If you made it this far, i thank you from the bottom of my heart. Your support, views and thoughts mean the world to me. If you’re reading this comment/DM me a heart ❤ on instagram so that i know you read it whole! 🙂

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The one that got away.

This tale of hardship is the usual one.
The stakes were normal, but it was tough to get it done.
You may be wondering where it all begun?
Let me tell ya, this isn’t interesting as much as it was fun.

original

 It was a normal day, a mediocre one.
College is boring, movies exaggerate.
I slogged to attend lectures.
I dozed in a few.
I wasn’t attentive.
I was absent being present.

Only if I lifted up my head before, looked around.
I would’ve seen her earlier.
Oh how I wish I could’ve seen her earlier.

I was at blame, it was my concern.
I was in love. Maybe the infatuation one?
She was the prettiest in class for all I knew.
I knew I didn’t see anyone else, But I’m glad I saw her.
Pretty little eyes, peering into the sky.
She was peering onto the board, I just wanna romanticize the moment a little more.

She was the kind I hadn’t seen.
One in a million, a billion if my eyes were too keen.
She was surrounded by her friends.
Maybe she was ms. Popular?
“Out of your league” my mind said.
I glanced over her again.
“She doesn’t believe in leagues” I said.

It was my mission to ask her out.
She was the reason I took showers before college.
She was the reason I got my hair done.
She was the reason I wore that awful cologne.
She was the destination, to the journey that had just begun.

Failure loomed over my dreaded head.
What would I do? How would I handle being a reject?
Often times, the fear faded.
Even if I got rejected.
Even when I felt dejected.
Even when I knew she isn’t mine to have.
Care and consideration for her would always last.

So I gathered the guts,
I gathered the pretty shirts.
Carefully, I chose on what to wear.
How to behave.
I underwent a drastic change, just to ask her out.

I skipped a lecture.
Practiced the lines in the restroom.
“Hey, are you free this Friday?
We could go for the new star wars movie that noon?”

She wore a red top.
Jeans with a different kind of blue.
She sat in the corner of the room.
Digging into a book, lost in that pretty head of hers.
A drop of sweat ran down my forehead.
My heart started to thump.
It’s funny how asking a simple question, would’ve had me stumped.

I walked up to her.
Commented on the John green book.
She smiled at me.
Her lips had an off-shade of red,
Freckles were overshadowed with dimples instead.

The stiffness dissolved.
In a minute, we were arguing at about a spat that had already been resolved.
Years of separation didn’t change a thing.
I stumbled just like I did before, I fell in love again.

You see she wasn’t a new, college friend.
She was my middle-school crush,
I was blessed to see her again.
We were friends in school but never more.
By the time I realized that she is the one I adore,
she was in a different high-school as a sophomore.

Over star-wars and salty fries,
Over shared smiles and belligerent goodbyes,
Over the fights and ‘staying by your sides’
We were together.
Together for real this time.

Notes- I know you may be wondering that the poem didn’t rhyme well and felt uneasy. This is a poem i wrote in intention of performing at a poetry slam. This poem would sound much better with vocal sounds and interpretations. 🙂

Picture courtesy- danavore.tumblr.com (Check her out, she draws awesome comic stirps)

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