Unjust soliloquy

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I’ve tried my best, I’ve come so far.
I’ve dodged every bullet; I’ve watched those morbid sights from afar.
Now that you stand over me, with the nozzle placed over my heart.
I blame god for being unjust, yet I’m ready to depart.

I don’t want to die.
I don’t want to leave, not yet.
For not loving my parents enough, I regret.
I have dreams, there are still clouds to chase.
At flying kites, I wanted to be an ace.
I wanted to do deeds that would bring a smile to one’s face.
I wanted to learn the guitar, play it for mom one day.

Why now? Couldn’t death wait for a little bit?
You’re not just ending lives; you’re ending hope for all little kids.
I know you won’t spare me. But I somehow wish you did.

 

I wish my mother knew that I won’t be coming back home today.
I wish I threw up a fit, convinced her about the fake stomach ache.
But alas, life has no retake.
Oblivious of the future, she dressed me up for picture day.
I hope her mourning heart recovers soon; I know dad will take care of her anyway.
I hope he stows away the stuffed animals with which I used to play.
They’ll surely remember me; I hope it’s not in dismay.

Why are you doing this my friend?
You were fine the other day.
You used to walk around in school with a smile and a jolly sway.
What made you lose it all? Why did you choose the devil instead?
Is it because of the lies the world told you?
Is it because of all those different voices messing with your head?
Is it because the world tried to fix you?
Is it because they killed your inner self?
Is it because your peers tried to mock you?
Is it because you couldn’t cope up with all that dread?
Someone could’ve helped you, if you chose to seek out help instead.
But here you are; a devil with an angel’s heart.
I believe in the good in you.
But it won’t stop you from putting this voice to rest.

I wish I could’ve said one last goodbye.
I should’ve hugged mom, kissed her for the final time.
I wish I could’ve felt dad’s strong arms.
I wish stayed in the safety of it.
Life’s short is what adults used to say.
It felt like a joke until this day.
I’m at peace, life ends now, or it will someday.

The lead tearing through my skin brings me peace.
I hope god helps you, but your deeds never go unseen.

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